How the illusion of abundance prevents us from falling in love

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The developers of dating apps assured us that their arrival would solve the problem of loneliness once and for all. No more catching random glances in bars, hoping for fateful encounters, or relying on mutual acquaintances to play matchmaker. Now, thousands of potential partners are available right on your smartphone. All you have to do is open the app and swipe a few times to find the love of your life.

But in reality, it turned out to be much more complicated. Thousands of people around the world remain single. Instead of the long-awaited relationship, they are left with swipe fatigue, anxiety, and a strange feeling of emptiness. It turns out that instead of bringing people together, technology is actually building invisible walls. Why is this happening? Let’s figure it out together.

The paradox of endless swiping and other problems with online dating

The main trap of dating services is the illusion of abundance. When we are faced with a huge selection of potential partners, we stop seeing the person on the other side of the screen as an individual. Our brain starts to act as if we were in a supermarket or choosing a movie for the evening. Incidentally, this phenomenon is so common that it has even been given a name: the “Netflix effect”. Instead of a person, we see just a “position” with a set of characteristics. And if something about a potential partner isn’t perfect, we swipe their profile to the left without a second thought. Because we’re sure that after a few swipes, we’ll find someone better.

This illusion makes us act differently than we would in real life. With a huge selection of potential partners, we start to think that people are just a replaceable resource. And we stop communicating at the first sign of trouble, even if the person just made an unfortunate joke. After all, what’s the point of investing in communication when we still have thousands of matches in reserve? And even when we find someone who really suits us, the doubts don’t go away. We start thinking that we are missing out on the opportunity to meet someone even better. This prevents us from fully focusing on the person and getting to know them for who they really are.

The search for a non-existent ideal is one of the most serious problems facing dating services. We think that if we have thousands of options at our fingertips, we are bound to find the perfect partner. We forget that even a 100% match is no guarantee of a happy relationship. Because of this, we become eternal seekers who, instead of focusing on communicating with one person, scroll through hundreds of profiles in an evening. And we remain alone instead of becoming happy with a real, albeit imperfect, person.

In addition, algorithms sometimes prevent us from finding someone who is truly right for us. The problem is that they analyze our past actions and literally lock us into a certain type. As a result, we see profiles of people who are as similar as possible to those we have liked before. The algorithm may even weed out a suitable person simply because they do not meet the specified criteria — for example, they listen to the “wrong” music. But at the same time, you may have the same outlook on life. Therefore, it can be said that technology deprives us of spontaneous encounters with our “opposites”. Although it is precisely such unions that very often turn out to be the strongest.

How to overcome swipe addiction and start living

It is not necessary to delete all applications, disconnect from the internet, and retreat to the forest. It is sufficient to simply change how you behave online. The first thing to do is to shift from quantity to quality. Set a limit for yourself — for example, no more than 10-15 swipes per day. If you get a match, focus on communicating with that specific person and don’t rush to switch to someone else. Remind yourself that behind every profile is a real person with their own strengths and weaknesses. Give them a chance to reveal themselves before jumping to conclusions and starting to communicate with someone else.

The second important tip is not to get hung up on messaging. When we only message someone for a long time, we begin to idealize them and independently attribute non-existent qualities to them. The fact is that our brain tries to fill in the gaps in this way. After all, when we correspond, we don’t see facial expressions, we don’t hear voices, and we can’t understand what mood our conversation partner is in. And emojis are not capable of conveying the whole range of emotions that are present in live communication. Therefore, if you feel that you want to get to know someone better, suggest meeting up or at least chatting on video. This way, you will get much more information, even just by observing how they behave in your company.

Overall, video chats are a great alternative to classic dating apps. They have many advantages:

Spontaneous communication. In chat roulette, you don’t need to swipe — the system selects a conversation partner for you. And you can never predict who will appear on the screen next. In a random chat, it is quite possible to find your soulmate or, at least, an interesting conversation partner for the evening. Omegla has a large and active audience, and you’re sure to find someone who is kindred spirits among its users.
Better communication. When communicating in an online video chat, you can see and hear your conversation partner almost as if you were in real life. And sometimes a ten-minute video conversation can replace a week of correspondence. And you can quickly understand whether there is “chemistry” between you and whether it is worth continuing the acquaintance at all. And if you don’t like your conversation partner, just click the “Next” button and end the conversation without remorse.
Safety. Anyone can hide behind beautiful photos. On video chat roulette, you see the other person as they really are — there are no filters or masks. It’s harder to pretend to be someone else here. For example, on CooMeet, every girl must register and confirm her details. So you can be sure that the pretty girl you’re chatting with is a real person, not a fake or a bot.
The opportunity to be in the moment. Video chat roulette Omegla live is a great way to get rid of your swipe addiction and focus on communication. Here, you can’t put off responding “until later” — you communicate with each other in real time.

And the third tip is to give yourself a digital detox. Sometimes the best way to find your soulmate is to take a break from searching. Take a break from your phone and give yourself a chance to just live: go to a workshop, sign up for a class, take a walk in the park, or have a few drinks at a bar. After all, dating apps are just one of many tools for finding love. But they are by no means the only path to happiness.